Excel SagaKingdom Hearts Crossover
by Dusty-kouhai
Summary: Okay, this is my first fanfic ever, so be nice. It is very...odd. Be prepared for lots of insanity and parodies of the game. And, since all of my friends say this...REVIEW!


Disclaimer: I OWN EXCEL SAGA _AND_ KINGDOM HEARTS, BECAUSE I'M KOSHI RIKDO _AND_ TETSUYA NOMURA AT THE SAME TIME! BWAHAHAHAHAAA! Just kidding.

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**A/N**: Ooookay, this is my drum roll FIRST FANFIC EVER! I don't know why I'm so excited, since I'm only writing this so that Keri (you big offensive meanie!) will read my ACTUAL story, which will be much better written than this one. This story does not reflect on my actual writing style or ability, so do not judge my skill with the English language based on this stranger piece of work. Okay, here we go!

There is an interesting story behind this fanfic. You see, I was acting really weird one night, and I was trying to figure out why. I came to the conclusion that I wasn't acting strange, because nobody is normal. But that means that everybody is strange, so then being strange is normal. So if you're being "strange" you're just being someone else's normal. However, if by being strange you are really being normal, then that means that strange and normal are really the same exact thing and the entire world is just a swirling ball of unending insanity. And thus, from this revelation, a fanfic idea was born.

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Another drum roll...

IT'S THE EXCEL SAGA / KINGDOM HEARTS CROSSOVER!

Chapter 1: DARKNESS!

"Haaaaaaail Lord Ilpala…eh?" Excel raised her hand in the traditional show of respect to his majesty, Lord Fuhrer Ilpalazzo (for Fuhrer is his not commonly known first name), but stopped as she gave the silver haired man sitting on the throne a closer look. Given, he had the same hair, well, it was the same color at least, and the same eyes as Lord Ilpalazzo, but his skin was so much darker than his lordship's, and that coat he was wearing was unmistakably different.

"Senior, who might this mysterious man be?" Hyatt asked in her usual unhealthy sounding voice, a small trickle of blood escaping from the corner of her mouth.

"Who knows, Hat-chan! Maybe Lord Ilpalazzo got one of those Botox injections? You know, I never really understood that Botox thing, but I'm sure that his lordship knows everything about that corrupt cult and will stop at nothing to eradicate them from the ignorant world in which we live!" Thus began another of Excel's insane rantings, causing her decidedly annoying voice to echo in the cavernous underground halls of The Secret Idealogical Organization of ACROSS.

"'This world, has been connected…" Spoke the mysterious Lord Ilpalazzo look-alike, putting a much needed interruption into Excel's monologue.

"Eh? Excel knows not what means you, Lord Ilpalazzo!"

"Tied, to the darkness…"

"You're not Lord Ilpalazzo, are you?"

"Soon to be completely eclipsed…"

"Hey! You better stop talking all big and powerful like! His Lordship Ilpalazzo is the only one allowed to talk like that in this anime! 'Cuz he's a gonna conquer da woooooooooooooorld!"

"A meaningless effort."

"WHAT! HOW DARE YOU?"

"You understand so little, one who knows nothing can understand nothing…"

"Okay, you're really starting to creep my out, dude…"

"Senior, something tells me that this is a very abnormal situation." Hyatt spoke again, lying on the floor and desperately trying to stay alive in her anemic state.

"Yeah, I know what you mean, Hat-chan! I'll try asking this weird dude person thingy guy! Hey, person!" Excel shouted, pointing quite rudely at the one who by now we all know is Ansem.

"Hm?" Ansem grunted with distaste, condescending to actually take the time to look at the spastic blonde girl.

"Who the hell are YOU? What is going on in the absence of his greatness Lord Ilpalazzo!"

Ansem thought for a moment, and then smiled maniacally. "DARKNESS!"

"Eh?" Excel was quite confused.

"Darkness!"

"Um…"

"Darkness!"

"Are you okay?"

"And for a change of pace: KINGDOM HEARTS IS DARKNESS! Bwhahahahahaha!"

"Okay you!" Excel glared threateningly at the enthralled Ansem. "How'd you get here! This is the secret ideological organization of ACROSS, and someone as clearly insane as you are shouldn't be here!"

"Darkn-ahem." Ansem was about to repeat his favorite word, but resisted the overwhelming temptation. "You want to know why I'm here? Ask you're friend!" Ansem laughed sadistically and gazed beyond Excel and Hyatt to the small form that had just entered the throne room.

"Huh! Menchi!" Excel turned around rapidly and noticed the small cat like dog standing just feet behind her. "You let this man into the secret base? Shame on you!"

"Hehehe…" Ansem laughed enthusiastically once again. "Yes, it was her! She hates you and this world! She wanted so desperately to escape! That yearning, that hatred, built up inside her, forming an indestructible drum roll DARKNESS! Yes, that darkness within her opened the barrier around this world, and let the seething Nothingness into it. Now, I shall grant her wish! I shall destroy this world! Ahahahahaaaa! Darkness! Ahahahaha!"

"Arf!" Menchi barked in agreement, and a dark essence began to seep out of the ground, binding Excel and Menchi in place. The darkness crawled up their bodies, enveloping them in an impenetrable shadow.

"Menchi! No! Without you…we'll have no emergency food supply! We'll starve! Please! Menchi!" Excel cried and leaned forward, stretching out her hand toward the corrupted canine and tried as hard as she was able to save the emergency food supply from darkness. But it was too powerful, and soon Excel was engulfed in the tainted force and fell unconscious, being eaten alive within the foul presence.

And now let's go see what's happening with the other side of the crossover!

"Uh…uhnn…" His majesty Lord Fuhrer Ilpalazzo moaned and stretched his sore limbs. Above him the sun was shining brilliantly, and he was near blinded as soon as soon as he opened his eyes. Underneath him the ground was grainy, like the finest sand in the world, and the soft whoosh of ebbing waves echoed in the still air. "Huh? Where am I?" His lordship thought with panic and jerked into an upright position, but before he could get up all the way his head bumped into something very, very hard.

"Ow…Damnit! It worked on Sora…" Sobbed the purple haired girl as she kneeled in the sand near Lord Ilpalazzo and rubbed her forehead.

"You!" Lord Ilpalazzo stood up and pointed his finger at the girl in one dramatic movement, his long cape swishing in the wind to emphasize his authority.

"Me?" The girl replied with pretend innocence, pointing to herself.

"Why were you standing over me like that?"

"To scare you and make you go 'WOAH!' like Sora!" She said matter-of-factly.

Her calm reply had Ilpalazzo at a loss for words. "Well…well…don't do that!"

"Hehe, okay! Who are you anyway?" She giggled.

"Why, I am Lord Ilpalazzo! The supreme ruler of The Secret Ideological Organization of ACROSS!" He said with grandeur, making powerful, elegant hand motions to accompany his introduction. "And who might you be?"

"I'm Kairi! Nice ta meetcha!" Kairi stood up dusted herself off, extending a hand to Ilpalazzo, which he didn't shake.

"Yes…you should be quite honored to meet one as magnificent as me!" He replied, grinning with arrogance. "Now, I demand that you tell me where this is and how I got here!"

"Well, this is…" Kairi began, but Lord Ilpalazzo was hit in the head with a giant rock before she could continue.

"BACK! GO AWAY, YOU PEDOPHILE!" Screamed the young boy as he ran across the beach towards Kairi, throwing stoned at Ilpala as he did so.

"Sora, stop!" Kairi yelled at the boy who was dressed in ridiculously oversized clothes.

"Take that! And that! And that!" Sora yelled, standing over the wounded man and smashing him with rocks at point-blank.

"Stop it!" Kairi yelled and kicked Sora in the stomach. "Why do you always think I'm being molested!"

"Wow!" Was all Sora said as he clutched his deflated middle.

"Are you okay, mister?" Kairi asked as she helped Lord Ilpala to his feet.

"Y-yes, luckily I am constantly wearing this strange shoulder armor over my large cloak." He replied, and then shot such a malevolent glance at Sora that it made him fall back into the sand. "When I have overtaken this world, I shall make you suffer!"

"S-sorry, I just thought you were trying to have your way with Kairi…" An uncomfortable silence followed Sora's odd remark.

"Alright, now tell me! Where is this?"

"You're on-" Kairi began yet again, and of course, was interrupted a second time.

"Nooo! I can't believe you Sora! I trusted you!" Shouted a very distressed silver haired boy in dark blue pants and a canary yellow…thing.

"Riku! What's wrong!" Kairi exclaimed, wondering why Riku was feeling so anxious.

"YOU TRAITOR!" Riku yelled and slammed his fist into Sora's face. "How dare you hang out with another silver haired person! You're trying to replace me aren't you! I knew it! You always hated me! You don't care about me! That's why you're doing this! I'M supposed to be you're only friend, and I'll throw a fit and sell my soul and try to kill you if you make any others because I'm insecure and paranoid!"

"Wow! Riku…I just found him here, stop assuming things…"

Many moments later, the four of them were finally able to talk without further interruption.

"So…this place is called Destiny Islands?" Lord Ilpala said softly.

"Yup!" Sora said cheerily.

"And where are your parents? Children like you should be under constant surveillance in order to insure the smooth operation of our society."

"Its just us!" Sora said.

"Well…what about shops and other such places? Where do you obtain food and resources? These two things are vital for everyday life."

"There's nothing like that on this island!" Kairi said matter of factly. "Here, we survive through photo-synthesis!"

Lord Ilpala gave her a blank stare. "So, in some parts of the world the ignorant masses have begun to devolve back to the form of plants…I shall have to take note of this. This world is more corrupt than I originally thought."

"So mister…where are you from?" Sora asked with a childish air of curiosity.

"Well, I suppose you could say I live in the city of F, in F prefecture." Ilpala replied.

"What? I've never heard of a place like that…is it, another world?" Riku asked, excitement and motivation building inside him at the thought of a different world.

"Then does that mean that there is way to get there?" Kairi said, just as ecstatic.

"Do you think we could get there?"

"What do you think it's like?"

"Would we be able to get back?"

"I wonder what the people are like?"

"What's a prefecture?"

"Ahem!" Lord Ilpalazzo loudly cleared his throat, demanding that the three children pay attention to him. "I don't know what you mean by 'other worlds', there is only one, and it is CORRUPT! Now, I don't know how I got here…but I will get back to my city! Hm…it may be a mistake, but under the current demanding circumstances…As of now, you are all official agents for the Secret Ideological Organization of ACROSS! Or the S.I.O.O.ACROSS for short! Salute!"

Sora, Riku, and Kairi stood in silence, not knowing what this man was babbling about, or why he wanted them to salute. Perhaps Sora hit him on the head to hard.

"I SAID, Salute!"

More silence.

"You do it like this!" Lord Ilpala said with frustration, turning around and putting his hand in the air. "Haaaaaail, Lord Ilpalazzo! Now you do it."

"Haaaaaaaail…uh…" Sora said stupidly, having already forgotten Ilpala's name.

"Lord Ilpalazzo!" Ilpala reminded him.

"Haaaaail Lord La pasta!" Sora shouted.

"Sora, no!" Kairi chided him. "Its like this. Haaaail Lord Impurity!"

"Lord ILPALAZZO!" The grand ruler shouted with frustration.

"Haaaaiiil Lord Ignacious!" Sora tried again.

"Its ILPALAZZO!"

"Sora, you stink at this!" Riku smirked with egotism. "I bet I can make him twice as angry! Haaiiiil Lord Pornography!"

"Why you!" Lord Ilpala growled.

"That sucks! How uncreative! Sora criticized. "Haaaail Lord Incestuous!"

"Grrrr…"

"Oh yeah, like that's better! Hail Lord Thick Body Hair!"

"Hail Lord Lolita-Complex!"

"Hail Lord Soiled Himself!"

"Hail Lord Did Something That Cannot Be Mentioned!"

"Hail Lord…"

Lets go check up on Excel!

_Keyblade…Keyblade…_ The strange voice echoed in Excel's mind, driving away the darkness that was surrounding her. "Well I wonder what the hell that might have been!" Excel said unseriously and tried to scratch her head, but ended up cracking her skull instead as the thing that had suddenly appeared in her hand connected.

"WHAT THE F!" Excel shouted as she got sight of the giant silver key in her hand. "Why are here you for! Out of my hand you get now!" She screamed and hit the weapon against the ground, thinking that by some bizarre miracle it would explain something.

"Senior…" Hyatt murmured, her voice showing that she was close to death.

"Hat-Chan!" Excel yelled and turned her head towards the anemic girl, but before she could do anything, a gust of wind burst from behind Hyatt and thrust her into Excel, but she passed right through her. Startled, Excel fell into the ground, and blacked out…and then…there was…DARKNESS!


End file.
